Aimee Fisher

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Scratchy Raffle #2

Scratchie Raffle Fundraiser 💕

Not going to post the entire bee movie script. Good luck!

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It's notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I'll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the last chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I'm the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I'm getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic... ...without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I'm in a real situation. - What'd you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species... What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! - Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who's that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry! ...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense." - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I can't do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying? I don't know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can't see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something. - What? - I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we're not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We're bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah! I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Oan we stop here? I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that.

Keep going Aimee :)

Yay Aimee

You're awesome, Aimee!

You got this Aimee!

Why do people send that wink face! it always gives me nightmares! it can make a completely normal sentence creepy. imagine you are going to a friend’s house, so you text this: [ see you soon 🙂 ] seems normal, right? But what is you add the word semi to that colon? (Is that right? or is it the other way around) what is you add a lorry to that briquettes? (Semi-truck to that coal-on) anyway, back to the point: [ see you soon 😉 ]THAT IS JUST SO CREEPY! is that really your friend, or is it a creepy stalker watching your every move? Or even worse, is it your friend who is a creepy stalker? maybe you thought it was your friend, but it was actually your fri end (let me explain: you are happily in McDonalds, getting fat while eating yummy food and some random dude walks up and blots out the sun (he looks like a regular here) you can’t see anything else than him, so you can’t try to avoid eye contact. he finishes eating his cheeseburger (more like horseburgher(I learned that word from the merchant of Venice(which is a good play(if you can understand it(I can cause I got a special book with all the words in readable English written on the side of the page(which is kinda funny because Shakespeare was supposed to be a good poet but no-one can understand him(and he’s racist in act 2 scene1 of the play too))))))) and sits down beside you , like you are old pals (you’ve never met him before but he looks like he could be in some weird cult) he clears his throat and asks you a very personal question. “can i have some French fries?” (I don’t know why there called French fries when I’ve never seen a French person eat fries! all they eat it is stuff like baguettes and crêpes and rats named ratty-two-ee which is a really fun game on the PlayStation 2) And you think {bubbly cloud thinking bubble} “Hahahahahhahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!! Hehheheheheh…..heeeheehe..hehe… sigh. I remember that i was just about to eat one of my fries when I noticed something mushy and moist and [insert gross color like green or brown] on the end of one of my fries! now I can give it to this NERD!! ” (yes he is a nerd because all he does all day is watch the extended editions of the hobbit, lord of the rings and star wars and eat fat cakes (what the heck is a fat cake? I think it might be like a Twinkie or something)and twinkies(wow so is doesn’t really matter which is which because he eats both(i may have just done that so I didn’t have to Google what a fat cake is (right now I am typing on my iPhone 3gs anyway, which has a broken antenna so i can’t get internet anyway (it’s actually a really funny story that i’ll tell you sometime)))and sit in his man cave with his friend named Joe (an ACTUAL friend, not a fri end)and all Joe does is watch sports like football with bob and all bob does is gamble ferociously (don’t ask(it means he buys all those bags of chips that say “win a free monkey or something if you find a banana in your bag*”(if there is a little star it means there is fine print so I always check the back of the package) *flips over the package* okay, it says: “one of our workers accidentally threw a banana in the packing machine and we don’t want to get sued so we did this promotion thing” cool. Oh wow, this is salt and vinegar! my favourite! i hate cheese and onion.))and that’s pretty much his life, he lives in Jamaica with Naruto and his friends) so you give him that gross fri end he throws up all over you and me and the worker behind the counter who was still making an onion, and THAT is the story of the fri end, not a friend who somehow remembered your name and your phone number / email so he could text you saying he would come to your house soon. *finally takes a breath after typing a few hundred words about fri-ends* so what now? i know, i know, you think i ramble too much and use too many brackets (i don’t) but now i am going to talk about my amAZEing day. first i woke up, ate choco pops for breakfast even tho i always hate it when people say that cause i get jealous and super hungry. then i… umm… yea! that was my day. you know that other person i mentioned before? that flaming chicken person? WELL. i will steal something from that person but do it better. i will… drum roll please … badabadabadabadabadabadabummmmmmmmmmmchshchshchshchshbadabadboumboumpoopoopichypichypichypowpow-crash! *a drum roll was just playing in the background* that drumroll was so long i forget what i was talking about. *scrolls up to see what he was writing about* oh yea! i will make my own FLAMING CHICKEN HANDBOOK! what things do i like? instead of flaming it could be rainbow, instead of chicken it could be fluffysheep and instead of handbook it could be handbook (not very creative, i know) but the total complete name is now to rainbow fluffysheep handbook! to make life easier for you guys, instead of taking random rules out of book willy nilly, i will take them out using my favourite numbers! so, section 5040 of the rainbow fluffysheep handbook states that the king of all oddly coloured farm animals (thats me!) is allowed to tell you any part out of this book randomly or if it is his one of his favorite numbers! 5040 is a great number because it is divisible by 60 integers which i don’t know. i’m tired. it is 10:41 and i am getting sleepy… hey hey hey! an intruder! remember that from pokepals rulers of time and darkness or something like that! with piplup and sunflora and chimchar! whaoh piplup is really hard to write on a tiny qwerty keyboard! try it! i realised that asdf is actually written in order on the qwerty keyboard! (just in case you didn’t know, asdf is an amazing short video clips cartoony thing on youtube i first learned bout on flipnote hatena, which is now shut down 😦 ) what if one day they get rid of the qwerty keyboard completely! i will type it out for you just in case one day they get rid of it. qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm. there u go. Goodbye. I’m back! i decided that i should tell you about fonts. i always used the same font for my whole life, called arial. the reason is probably because it is on the top of the list in alphabetical order, and i was too lazy to scroll all the way down. only a few months ago did i finally decide to change my mind. i scrolled for what seemed to be an eternity, and i finally got to… are you ready … arial black. yep, that was my big SCROLLING ADVENTURE! just yesterday, i was typing something on google docs and i found the new best font : roboto. its great! i could choose from FIVE different thicknesses. isn’t that amazing? right now we are driving behind a really slow “farm plastics collection” semi. i think i know someone obsessed with pokemon, but i can’t tell you who it is. he keeps making pokepals references and stuff. wow! you are a very loyal reader! if you have REALLY made it this far then you… get a gold star on your loyalty chart! good job! this is looking to be the longest text ever, considering that this was all written in one day. i don’t understand sandwiches. if you were to eat bread, mayo and tomatoes separately it would be disgusting! you know all those fancy magazines/restaurants that always have really fancy food pictures with meat and brussels sprouts and all the old people say “wow! that looks great!” and you think {bubble thing} “it looks like the worst thing anyone could ever eat” and the you eat it and it tastes surprisingly… WORSE than you imagined! gotta go… im back! ive ive got stuff to say! your probably thinking… HoW DoEs He HaVe So MuCh FrEe TiMe?!?! And the answer is… i don’t. that’s right. this isn’t just some SIDE project. i’ve gotta make time to do this if wanna get the world record. for all i know, the flaming chicken opponent who i will refer to from now on as sam (i don’t know why) is probably still adding to her posts. (i think i picked sam because it sounds like ham which is like cooked meat and so is flaming chicken, so you will remember that now ) i am officially going to make a quote from the rainbow fluffysheep handbook of knowledge and prestige (sounds catchy, huh?) . section 777 of the rainbow fluffysheep handbook STATES that the king of oddly colored farm animals (thats me!) is allowed to use whatever font he wants to. [now, i know what your thinking reader, that has nothing to do with anything. but it will come in handy someday (maybe)] sam makes me feels sick! im offended! (probably because i’m jealous of how much is written on that website(i dont even know how to make a website)) I’VE JUST BEEN READING THIS AND I HAVE DISCOVERED A CONSPIRACY! THAT’S RIGHT, I AM WORKING FOR DOCTOR SUESS! YES! i will prove it to you. i mentioned ham and sickness so green eggs and ham somehow! (why is he called doctor suess anyway? he’s not even a doctor *citation needed* and his books are kinda dumb! (funny considering i’m the one making that statement)) talking about eggs, aren’t eggs practically unborn chicken membrane? wouldn’t it be scary if you were casually eating your brembudder (riotous robots reference (wow! serious compilation of alliteration dedication!)) and drinking your tae wit’ da guv’na (england doesn’t even have a govna! *citation needed*)(i’m not even racist i’m just quoting an accent of a race) and you go to crack an egg for your brekkie and BOOM! and unborn chicken embryo starts running towards you, picks up a knife and starts screaming “MAMA! MAMA!” you are so scared that you grab the nearest weaponry (a spoon) and poke the hideous beast. it is unaffected. luckily, the govener of Berwick-Upon-Tweed throws a sugar cube directly into the chicks mouth! as you know, sugar is EXTREMELY poisonous to chicken embryos *citation needed* (no more citations!) and you are saved! i’m sick and tired of citations! i will quote from the official rainbow fluffysheep handbook! section 12345679 (all the mathematicians are nodding their heads while the OCD people are twitching nervously in the corner) says that the king of oddly coloured farm animals does not have any obligation to write if a false piece of information needs a citation. great! now i feel like a free person! free i tell you, free! free from the prison cell i call the boundaries of untrue info. i think since im going to be the president of somewhere someday, i should have great speech here it goes: Hello great people of [name of place]! i am here to tell you; I am going to make [name of place] great again! i am going to lower taxes, but increase happiness! i am going to buy dog sweaters and bowls for people with dogs, and do some renovations on peoples tents! yes, this truly is a new era, the era of Epicness And Coolness! {and so, his tale lived on forever, being passed on generation to generation, living vividly in the hearts of the people.(that last bit sounded like the ending of an Asterix comic.)} i will now PROVE that all these things can happen. the first thing i said was that i will make America (i know, i know, i gave it away and told you the name) place grape again. (yes, that is what i said, bear with me here) i hereby DECLARE that every piece of American soil must be covered in vineyards. someone told me i should do that. i think i heard it through the grapevine (bad jokethat nobody understands) the next step is to lower taxes and raise happiness. to lower taxes i will get rid of all hospitals, and spend the taxes all on building fun playgrounds. this in turn, raises happiness (for the kids and for the non-injured if you know what i mean). finally, i will buy dog sweaters (on sale at your local liquidation world!) and dog bowls (just use little human bowls maybe?) and last but not least i will do renos on peoples tents (send chip and joanna from Fixer Upper to all the camping places). and, since all i said was (partial) truth, it will be a great era. anyway, gotttttttttttaaaaaaa ggggoooooo. bbbbbuuuuuuyyyy! im back. i just had thanksgiving while listening to christmas music and it was fun. we had bacon, ham and chicken but no turkey. its fall, but it’s ACTUALLY winter secretly. im watching a funny show. i’m back (even though i never said i was gone so you might be confused) hello loyal reader! if you have gotten this far without SKIMMING THROUGH then you are probably either lying, extremely bored (but not after reading this whole thing!) or VERY and i mean VERY dedicated. or all three. you know those homeless people that sit on the ground and ask for money? i think its all a conspiracy! after all, uow can they afford those dogs, sharpies, cardboard and enough english education to write “need help”? back in the roman times, only the richest, most important people could get things like that! you know the new fad, ‘black surfboards’? (neither did i until 15 seconds ago) someone related to me thinks they look really cool, i think they are neat but SOMEONE also related to me thinks they are bad because they would get warped. someWHERE ohohohohohohover the rainbowwwwww that reminds me, i was doing my normal thing, when BOOM! i started typing NONSENSE. so here it is, but be warned. its SCARILY NONSENSICAL. HeRe GoEs: The Epicness – Hi how are you? Smells good ya! Think about that buddy (shower time) heheheheHAHAHA well thanks a lot so called buddy. Random things: joe be utterly hatin. Dat be da bomb – Tink about tanking me. Interview: how does Joe like his pepperoni? “I be liken how I always eat it.” What first comes to Bobby’s mind when I say flabbergast? I don’t know, Flapper dress maybe that be it (20s style) hey dere ma-name JeFf… Hell Ome Ine Ame Isej oe hey hey hey! an intruder! (DID U NEVER WATCH POKÉPALS?!?! im offended.) ANYHOO, the cattle hopped above the earth orbiting asteroid (a TWIST on an old tale) Are you OCD? Then don’t read anymore: :):):):):):):):):):);):):):):):) OR: 8)8)8)8)8)8)8)8)9)8)8)8) (I Know It’s Annoying} ocd&gmail.com [i annoyed you again) —A Nice Story— {one day an old man said yonder} heyyyyyyy 😉 (WHY DID HE WINK AT ME IT’S SO CREEPY) {the old man continued} hellllloooooo there young laddddiiee boyyyy (I NEED TO GET AWAY FROM THIS MAN) i think I’ve… SEEN YE ARE OUND BAE FAR HAVANT AYE? 😉 (TAKE ME AWAY FROM THIS HIDEOUS BEAST YOU CALL A MAN! I WAS ONCE A HAPPY BOY, AND THEN HHHEEE STARTED TALKING!!!?!?!?! THIS IS UNNNNNACCEPTABLE!! :):):):):):):) mwahahaha! 😉 MY ATTACK PLAN IS READY!) {THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED} 😉 kills -> 🙂 —The End— Today is the day of justice. Today the world will be DESTROYED! Mwahahahah! Someday the whole peanut of existence will be chipped into The Edge. But then again, maybe it will be forever remembered as the one who saved the mintrolls from the mighty Orc king, and the one who was forever changed; transformed into a giant floating peanut. hello it’s me i was wondering if after all these years you would like to meet -> hey chow gotta beat chow gotta beat chow Hey HEY____________________W W W W W[]_____/__<>___/_____ GEOmetry DAESH One day i want to fie to da MOOOOOON!! aheyhayhoy. soametime the sky looke BLOOE, but it actually YALLOE. af yow cane andarstend dis santanse dan yowr umaizang. somedaaaaaaaaaaaaaay, OVer theRAINBOW, WAY UP HI,Oe’r da skie -> @,|3,[,|),£,|=,€,|-|,|,7,|<,|_,//,//,[],|*,0-,|~,$,-|-,_/, /,//,}{,¥,%. |-|£||[], //¥ //@//£ |$ |3[]|3|3¥. | @// //|~|-|-|//€ |// @ $£[|~£-|- [[]|)£ []//|¥ @ |-|_///@// [@// _///|)£|~$-|-@//|). That was it. i know what your thinking (i think i do at least) but i’m not going to tell you. BURNED! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA FEELS THE BURN! sorry, i had to much sugar 🙂 gotta go you know bro do. I’m back! and i gotta new conspiracy for u! you know how EVERY child hates brussels sprouts! this is why i think so. Brussels sprouts were happily growing in their belgiumy home. everyone loved them! they were the chicken nuggets of the vegetable world. when suddenly… DA DADA DA! Hitler comes to Belgium (dont read this if you don’t want to. hitler was happily taking over Austria and Poland when he then decided to take over France but France built a big wall thing to keep him out on the border between france and Germany so all Hitler did was go through Belgium to get to France and THAT is when our story is taking place.) and he makes all the brussles sprouts taste bad simply because he is near them! the Mulligan family is about to go to McRonalds and order 43 brussels sprouts (you would have to have been paying very close attention and know some math to understand that joke) and when they get them (after lots of quarrels with the manager (a bit of a parker square if you ask me (you probably don’t understand that either(if you want to feel like you know all these inside jokes, just look em up on the web! your sure to find the videos made by lumberpile(close enough))))) they taste so bad you throw up everywhere! Hitler may have caused WWII, but he also caused brussels sprouts to taste bad. so there you go. why do they always write WWII? (if you can’t tell, they always write double-u double-u eye eye) wouldn’t it be more accurate to write WW11 or WW2? If i keep writing at this rate, i’ll beat the world record in no time! i might even print it all off and write a novel! too bad i probably don’t have any readers. hello there non existent reader! i hope you are having fun. and i hope you are not injured cuz of that whole ‘no hospitals’ conundrum. what else should i talk about? how bout Minecraft? just in case you don’t know, Minecraft is a fun game where you place blocks and stuff and you play with friends and most people who play it are like 10 years old but I not and i still have fun and you can’t judge me because I wanna be an engineer and if I wanna be an engineer then i should probably not waste my time playing games wow that went downhill from benefitting me really quickly. Anyway, I prefer the Redstone side of things (Redstone means wiring and stuff). I build stuff like 5 piston extenders and auto wall builders and calculators and computers (not those stupid computers that use command blocks (just in case you don’t know people, command blocks are like CHEATING THINGS and if I am talking about them i will probably not be happy)) and stuff cause i wanna be an inventor. I also do c++ and make things like search engines, text adventures and cookie clickers! My current BIGGEST project is 600 lines long and I don’t know if that’s a lot but it sure seems like it to me! (when I was typing in the word lines it auto corrected it to ‘lies’) what’s with the whole naming appliances fad going on? (There isn’t really one) like that vacuum named ‘Henry’ that I have. I have the box here and it says on it it can twist the top part which I never knew before! I just woke up but the anticipation of whether this whole Henry twist bit this is true is killing me and I think I might wake up just to see if its true. Nahhhhhhhhhhh! This text is getting so long it’s getting laggy just typing on the same notes on my phone! I gotta start a new one. See you in another life, brother (Desmond in Lost reference). iiitttttttttsssss Johnny! I’m someone mcmann and today we are taking with bee mc wasp. *clapclapclapclapclapapplauseapplauseonelonelymaninthebackscreamsbecausehegotlosthewastryingtogettonemotheclownfishmoviebutnowthereisagiantbeeslashwasprightthereandheisreallyscared* Thank you, thank you! Now, mister Bee, what you do all day long? Well I’ve gotta say Johnny that all i do is spend 14 hours a day eating and then spitting what I just ate into a residential area! Wow, that sound like my great aunt large (i typed in Marge but it auto corrected)! *Laughterlaughterapplause* Then what happens to that SPICY MILK?(Jim Gaffigan) It’s actually not milk, Johnny that regurgitated blob is then stolen from us and eaten by people! well… That’s…. Amazing. *suddenly feels nauseous* Well *blech* it’s time for a *hurl* commercial break. Yes, real breaks! (Every commercial is about breaks)*** (fake Bronx accent) do you like twinkies!?!? Yeaaaaaaaa! Do you like roast turkey! Yeaaaaaaaaa! Then try the all new exclusive limited time only in a store near you… (Anticipation is building up more then the mould in my bathroom) The kit kat turkatwinky! It is beautifully tasty *citation needed* ! Have a break, have a twinkiturkey [its the other way around, I think] …Next Commercial… (Annoying Hawaiian music) do you wanna go on a holiday (more music) then take a trip to (calm music that goes like ‘bowawawoh’) (sudden intense heavy rock) HAWAIYA! You can do great things like… Get eaten by sharks, fall in volcanos and get lost and sea! Buy tickets now for only e = mc^2 easy payments of a=2b +- _|2c -4ab—3c! [(man in background) ummm bob? … Yeap? … (Japanese) Det idit na codect spaech … Oh, we’ll we’re out our air time, sooooooo…] {kshshshshsh} -Next Commercial- has THIS ever happened to you? You are up to your normal everyday antics when… BOOM! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Your crash and BREAK your brand new 2004 ford mustang bike! It’s actually a tooth ow sand ant fore fjord moose tangy (a painful white mouth bone small ground up rock little hill building insect golfing safety viking ravine big deer sour patch kid bike) and didn’t have insurance! Buy some right now for only €1 a month (talks really fast) warning: not actual ‘insurance’, it’s actually ‘inch your ants’ which is a bag of inchworms and ants this company is not responsible for deep regret after purchases*** (clapclapclapclapclapapplauseapplause) Welcome back to AHAGAHAGGGHGHGHGHGGG!!!!!! [(sound over intercom) emergency -emergency! everyone evacuate!! Go go go!!] {you ask someone while running away} what happened!! (Man is panting and very tired (wait… He looks oddly familiar…)) the bee/wasp thing… It is stinging people! 😉 I knew it! It’s my fri end!?!? this whole thing is going down in an infinite spiral of nonsensical blubber! {poof} wow! That was a fun dream! That was my stuff today. Gotta go! I’m back! Someone related to me is making a huge campfire in our mudroom using only a tealight and matches! It’s sparking… And fizzing… And poof! {the room is filled with smoke and out of it walks a tall bearded man} hello there! You must be Bilbo Baggins, reader! Have you come to kill Smaug, the Fire Dragon? Or as Sauron would put it: ???????? (Yes, I speak Japanese, another random surprise DESTINED FOR GREEEEEAAAAATTTTTNEEESSS!) bochebobochebobocheedoooooooox2 CiTy Of StArS! I KNOW YOU’RE SHININNG FOR ME SITTIE UV SHTARS! I know your shinin just fore meyyyyyyy (lalalalalalalalaland won the oscars slash awards stuff and then they didn’t i think in 2017 heheheheheheheheheheheh) ***THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANOUNCMENT: i am not in a very good mood and my writing may be affected *** what’s up with SPRAY CHEESE! Like what the heck! Its like cheese but like in like a can!!! What is wrong with people! What was that person inventor of cheese in a bottle person thnminh! (ummm… Figure it out) he was like what the hey I want cheese but I don’t want cheese that comes in hard form cause then it is weird so if it comes in liquidy form then it seems more like real milk so its less FAKE! *Wheeze* Cheese is a Breeze *achoo!* (if you can’t figure THAT one out then you need to get your flubber out of here! (Flubber is that bouncy stuff in that movie where there is bouncy stuff that attaches to pope’s shoes while they play basketball (not popes, stupid auto-correct (speaking of hard things, that reminds me of the Hardy Boys who were like magicians or something(which reminds me of sailing the DIRTY ISLAND ESPAGNOL!))))) every day I’m shuffling: heyheyheyheyheyhey gangnam style like whop whop whop whop whop whop gangnam sssstttlllyyyeeetllllyypiie! Have you ever heard the song DOWN DD DOWN DD DOWN DD DOWN DOWN DOWN? WELL IT IS A COOL SONG WITH FASCINATING LYRICS HERE IT IS TYPED BY YOUR TOOTHY: To be or not to be That is the question What is nobler in the mind Through the toils of slings and arrows Of great fortune And when i slept i had a dream A dream of great sorrow And i will have that dream At least until tomorrow! UMM… WRONG ONE… HEHEHEH… WELL LET’S TRY AGAIN: Food & Drink: Apple (crunchy) Artichoke (chew before you swallow!) Avocado (replaces banana in cookies) Banana (replaces avocado in guacamole) Beef (burger) Beetroot (gotta good beat) Bun (for burgers) Burger (for buns) Cake (i’m gonna bake a caaake) Cantaloupe (an orange melon) Carrot (an orange banana?) Chicken (don’t be scared!) Dill pickle (not a gherkin) Egg (from a chicken) Eggplant (from a dead chicken turned into dirt by mushrooms) Fig (figrolls) Fish (i wish for a fish to decorate my dish) Grain (good rain) Hot sauce (frank hot sauce) Icecream (not even a real food!) Jam (not from grapes) Kebab (okay, bob) Lemon (sour orbiter (or bitter)) Melon( a green cantaloupe) Mince (beef/pie) Nut (he’s crazy!) Omelette (let me take your ohms which is a currency somewhere) Paska (what the hooey is that) Pasta (makes more sense) PeanutPickle (that sounds disgusting(were those separate?)) Pie (not from grapes) Pineapple (the apple from the pine tree) Pizza (pi*z*z*a) Quiche (pronounced keesh) Radish (doesn’t it look cool dude? it looks rad…ish) Steak (put a wooden stake in a cow to obtain) tictac (the clock goes tick tack tick tack) Turkey (not for MY thanksgiving) Turnip (kinda like a radish) Upsidedowncake (it’s the same as normal cake but upside down) Vinegar (eww) Whiskey (ewww) Wine (ewwww… STOP WINEING!) Yam (popeye says: i yam who i yam) Zucchini (for all the animals who live in the zookeeny) Wow! That was fun! Gotta Go Bro Yo Know! I’m back! If you have honestly made it THIS far, reader then you have just been promoted from ‘some reader’ to ‘stable keeper of the rainbow fluffysheep’. Isn’t that fantamismo? Somedddaaaayyyyydf oooooohhher three rainbowfluffysheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep there is hope! There is life! There are unicorns in the darkness! No more trolls! No more orcs! We are free, free from everything that’s bad! Great is the smorgasbord of a plethora of strawberries! Bootsandcatsandbootsandcatsandbootsandratsandchutesandratsandchutessandratsbandchutessandratsbanned! Yaaaaaaaa! Salut! Je m’appelle francais! French is absurd, French is the word! I don’t even remember typing that! It’s so late a night my eyes are bulging out of my sockets because of the brightness on my phone! Now, I know what your thinking. TURN DOWN THE BRIGHTNESS, KING OF RAINBOWFLUFFYSHEEP! I will tell you why I shall not. Because on an iPhone 3 there is no easy access to get to your brightness. That’s for the WIMP. I’m hardcore. That’s why I Have typed a step by step tutorial on how to change the brightness on an iphone3 for you to read, in the comfort of your own home! (Or wherever your exciting life takes you) 1. Click the button on the top right of the phone to turn it on. 2. Swipe from the left to the right on the bottom of the screen. 3. Type in your password and the phone will unlock to the home screen. 4. Click on the Settings App (Your Almost There!) 5. Click on the ‘Brightness/Wallpaper’ Tab. 6. GOOD JOB! ALL U HAVE TO DO IS SWIPE THE LITTLE BAR THINGY! that’s why I don’t do that. I don’t have THAT much time. I think. Halloo! I’m in London and I’m hangin out! Now I’m back though. This is extremely frightening. Whenever I type words then my phone reads it out to me. Strange.I just turned it off. Good thing too, since every time i heard it i turned around and punched the wall. Not out of fear for my life because of the impending imminent doom, but out of a pure piqued curiosity. Once you obliterate the wall once, every latter time you lose that satisfying crunch. One thing I have aspired to accomplish for a long time now is to make my own pun-themed conspiracy theory. Here goes: in section number 115132219018763992565095597973971522401 of the rainbow fluffysheep handbook (i am very proud of that number by the way(*cue all geeks Laughing hysterically*)) STATES that the shearer of greatness (who’s that again?) has proof the the solvence of the illuminati (if you solve something, would it be called an act of solvence?) and forherbyshared proclaimences all right to own half of all southern states who share barbeque preferences (none([southern dialect] it ju bring a tear to ma eye knowin tha the founding fathers fought for freedum, an’ fer unitee. Ye still the states Connor decide on a preferred bar bee q sawse :()) even if he does not want them. And now gentlemen and ladies, I will prove once and for all that the illuminati … Is real. Here goes: So, as everyone knows, the illuminati is represented by the pyramid with an eye in the centre. Do you think that it is merely a COINCIDENCE that the first letter in illuminati is i, and I is pronounced ‘eye’? I THINK NOT! Let’s continue. What is the first thing you think of when you hear the word pyramid? Exactly! The first thing you think of is Egypt? Nooooo!! It’s that they’re big. Duh. So what is the first thing that you would say when seeing a pyramid? “Wow that’s big?” No of course not random audience members indicated by the two line things! You would make the sounds of a mesmerised chimp, like “Oooooh” and “Ahhhhhhh”. And I know how these two things are connected! What temperature would it be in Egypt? Hot, that’s what! So hot that it feels like you are cooking a pan. Ahhhhhhhhhh pan, to be precise! And what county sounds like apan? Japan? Now is it just a COINCIDENCE that that Japanese word for big is ‘Oo’? NOOO!!! These things are all connected, I just don’t fully know how yet. So, we know that the answer has something to do with being big, but what? for these kind of questions, you have to work backwards. I call this method, Reverse Solvency. Anyway, what did the rich (big) people do to the poor (not big) Egyptians around the time that the pyramids were built? Exactly! They sold em’ that sounds like soldier! In French that’s gendarme! Gender! That’s what they are trying to tell us! It’s so obvious, in front of our very EYEs from the beginning! So, what gender is associated with being big! (This is gonna be slightly offensive) Males, obviously! (I’m sorry 😦 *audience member calls out* don’t be sexist! Sorry, but you have to admit, men are usually fatter than women! “Hey, now you’re being sexist to males! We have our rights, you know!!! Chauvinists! Communists! We are great! Who insists? Communists! We will rule with hate!!! ” ummm actually I was saying that men are fatter because back in the time of the PYRAMIDS if you were fat you were considered wealthy. “Now your sexist to us again! Feminists rule! Feminists are great! We are going to rule with hate!!” If you both want to rule with hate , just hate each other equally so this can be over with!!!! Thank you. Anyway, back to the conspiracy) Where were we? Oh yes. Men! What word has men in it? Fishermen, of course! Fishermen caught a lot of fish, and what did the Egyptians have a lot of? Gods! Fishermen used to go slow in boats, so we can remove the g forces, and we a left with ‘od’. And where are the fishermen!?!? In the sea! The ‘c’! And what kind of fish do they catch? That’s right, the ‘Cod’! Now, we use are backwards method to come up with ‘Doc’. As in a doctor! What does a doctor do? Helps people who are sick! But do you know what the worst thing about doctors is? You still have the pay the doctors fee even if you are not sick! And mind you, the doctors fee is quite a large bill, and I wouldn’t want to go to the doctor not even for a bee sting! Alas, This is as far as I have gotten. Can anyone help me? Um yes, you? “Yes, I was just wondering what Big, men , ooo, not bees, Bills , and sickness have to so with the Illuminati! ” wait anonymous audience member say that again! “But like, it was a lot of words” [the writer remembers that he is not allowed to copy and paste, so he skips the dramatic scene where one character says his sentence again while the Maine character says aha! I think I got it!] “got what? The flu?” Who the heck are you? And how did you get backstage? Security?!?! SECURITY!!!!! “yes sir?” What are you guys wearing?! “Obviously we are wearing tiger skins, for camouflage!” Now I don’t even have security to take all the psychopathic people in here, because my security are psychopathic themselves!!! Annnyyywwwaaayyy… I figured it out! Bill, no bee and sick! No bee is actually no ‘B’, the letter! The only b we have is in bill! And if you take it off, what do you get. “ill” . And what is a synonym for ill. Sick. We have gotten pretty far on our journey of solving the question of the illuminati, although we have not quite accomplished the full desired outcome yet. What did all the most important people in egypt do when they were not prosecuting the poor? They were eating, of course! And what were the poor doing in their spare time? What any law-abiding heartwarming lovely citizens would be doing? Playing Sports, of course? And where are the rich buried? In coffins like boxes. When someone dies, hey eyes turn into 24pt roboto thin-line x’s in italics. Huh; box, x. An XBox of course! And what company makes sports for an Xbox? Electronic arts. We’ve all heard of ‘E A Sports. It’s In The Game.’.if the rich are ‘eat’ and the poor are ‘ea’ the only letter not used in both is the letter T! As in tea! A tea is going to come in handy. Even the word eat is just an anagram for tea! It’s all starting to make sense to me now! It’s all fitting together like the pieces of child’s jigsaw! Remember the plagues on Egypt? One of those must be a clue, but which one!? For this, we need to go back to original illuminati ideas, the eye and the triangle. What number do they have in common? 3, of course! A triangle has three sides! If you asked someone to draw a shape and the only hint you have them as to which shape it is was to tell them ‘3’, then chances are they would draw a triangle! It even has three in its name – tri-angle! And how many color cones does an eye have? You guessed it, three. And the third plague is: let’s see here… Gnats. What has a gnat got to do with anything? That information is probably gnat even right (LOLZ)! Anyway, let’s keep going, there must be more to discover yet still. Who was the last pharaoh in Egypt? Cleopatra. She’s so famous, that there have been books and movies made about her! The movies would have been very old, if they were made when she was alive. So old in fact, that they probably used those old cameras with the crank thingy on the side and the reels. Remember the fishermen from before! They connect! The ‘reels’! I think we now have all the information we need to prove that the illuminati is real. Lets see, what do we have: ill, oo, men, a tea, is gnat, reel. What happens if we squish them all together. Illoomenateaisgnatreel. Illoomenatea is gnat reel. Oh. Well, good thing we got that cleared up. Guess what peeps? I have made it to 35000 characters! Why is that so significant, you might ask? Because the world record is 35000 words! That means that all I have to do is replace every letter with a word. Like this: instead of writing ‘I’m back!’ I could say ‘internet mascara beagle Australia catamaran kipper’ and all you do is read the first letter! This would probably make for some nonsensical blubber, as one might say, but at least i’ll beat the record! Also I have another Up-to-standard word idea to get more writing in! Instead of just writing a normal sentence I replace all the words with their respective dictionary definition! Yes, writer, that is a good awesome cool convenient and simple idea! So here goes: ‘jumping cacti ate many jars containing marmalade’ -> ‘any of numerous succulent plants of the family Cactaceae, of warm, arid regions of the New World, having fleshy, leafless, usually spiny stems, and typically having solitary, showy flowers that are leaping or springing over an object the past tense of to take into the mouth and swallow for nourishment constituting or formulating a large number of a broad-mouthed container, usually cylindrical and of glass or earthenware currently holding or including within its volume or area a jelly-like preserve in which small pieces of fruit and fruit rind, as of oranges or lemons, are suspended.’ Wow, that took longer than I expected. Just so I don’t get sued, I am now informing you that those pieces of information were sourced from a well-designed, helpful and informative website currently named dictionary.com. And now, a word from our sponsor. *Kshhhhhhh* Have you ever been sick before? Then this pill is for you! We have a 100% guarantee that you will never get sick again! Warning: the reason you will not get sick is because you will die. Buy soopapill in your local pharmacy for free! That’s right, the low low price of nothing! They’re so cheap, we’re practically giving them away! Also included is a satisfaction guarantee: if you are not satisfied with this product, then there is a full refund money back guarantee. Kshhhhhhh thank you for that lovely message from our sponsor, hooey kablooie. I need a topic. Not just any topic that you find on the floor, but a topic so magnifico, so delisimo, and so interestinio, that I that I fall on the ground in a seizure. I got one! This is a short skit entitled: ninjas: explorers of time and space! *intense music builds* yes sensei! I will punch that piece of wood so hard that it creates a wormhole in the 6th dimension! My apprentice, you have trained hard. There is now a one in one times ten to the million chance that using this wormhole will send us to a earth-like planet that will be habitable for all ninjas in the clan of the ninjapeeps. All hail the ninjapeeps! (You don’t actually have to) who said that?! Who would have the audacity to threaten the ninjapeeps all hail the ninjapeeps in such a way! I did. And you are? The Writer. Nice to meet you, my name is senseinohi, but that’s sensei to you. Howdy pawtna! No, we are actually japanese, not texan. Kong-nae-chae-waw, pawtna! Sensei, don’t respond! Don’t you remember what this man did? No. He was the one who disarmed the hailing of the ninjapeeps all hail the ninja peeps! Oh yes, that’s right. Sorry dude, but PREPARE TO BE THROWN INTO THE SIXTH DIMENSION, YOU DIRTY RASCAL! The sensei grabbed his handheld torpedo launcher and shot it at The Writer. It hit him and pushed him into the board! Do it! The Apprentice hit the board with all his might, and it broke apart. Not how you would think though, it actually compressed into a wormhole, shifting the spacetime fabric around it! (Now I know what you’re thinking, reader. Don’t ‘They’ always say to make a story believable!? And to that I say… but it is. You see, if you are a small minded gherkin (hey! You! No insults or we’re going to have to stop this little ‘play’ of yours!) ok… whatever. You probably believe that when you push something, the far side of it moves instantly, right? WELL YOU’D BE WRONG! Actually, the opposite side of the object moves in the same time it would take for sound to travel from you to it. Here’s an example: there is a lightning bolt with a hand far away from you. When it strikes the ground, it pushes a meal pole towards you, so one end is in its hand while the other is in yours. You will get pushed back at the exact time you hear to thunder! Isn’t that fabulous? That means that if the ninja punches faster than the speed of sound (a lot faster though) then he will be able to compress the board into a space time warping black hole) The Writer is plunged into the endless oblivion of the cascading incomprehension that is the sixth dimension. Little did the ninja peeps all hail the ninja peeps know, when you are in the sixth dimension, you can teleport right inside people and objects! (It actually depends on what kind of sixth dimension you are in. If you are in a four axes two time dimension, as in this skit, you can moves backwards and forwards in time and change the outcome of time, yet not travel directly to any possible outcome which you may have formed in the past. Also, with another axes under your belt, you can essentially disappear and reappear at will, yet with a time delay, which is nulled due to your cacophony of dimensions, specifically time.) so what The Writer did next was simple! He simply went back in time, and landed inside the sensei, causing him to not be thrown into the wormhole, causing him not to land in the sensei… This is making less sense as we go. In the end, the universe gets confused, and tells us a message: universe.exe has stopped responding. Noooooooooooooooo — Yep. And that is what I do with my life essentially. Gotta go now sea ya! I’m back! With a conspiracy that will blow your minds/mind if you are human! Zooreka is the easiest game to play if you have the slightest bit of mathematical knowledge! When choosing what to roll for, it is sooooo obvious which on the choose using basic knowledge. I’m not going to tell you, because next time you play it you will figure it out (if you even HAVE zooreka). Now that I think About it, that wasn’t really a conspiracy, was it :(. I have a reward for you reader. If you have truly made it this far than… Give me your email and I will send you the answer to the zooreka challenge, free of charge! Send an email to [email protected], inquiring. Also, you can ask me any other important questions you might have! In section 18w08b of the rainbow fluffysheep handbook it CLEARLY STATES that the king of oddly colored farm animals (that’s me!) will reply to ANY email set to the inbox of [email protected] to the best of his ability (not including spam tho). Hey! I just realised that when I wrote the word color, it get a red squiggle underneath! What a sham! ShamWOW! In section 18o25g02i22 it states that anyone, not only the king of the oddly colored farm animals, is allowed to spell color without a u! Hurrah! Hurrah! Three cheers for the rainbow fluffysheep handbook! (But that was only two, Harold. Whatever.) and that, ladies and gentlemen, was the way Color was born. THE END. I’m back! And do I have an exciting subject for you! No! I don’t! Ha, gotcha there, didn’t I! Wow, it just started raining. Oh wait, it’s snow! Not just any snow, mind you, but it’s topicsnow! Yay! All these great topics falling softly from the sky. What could be better. I’m now walking down the street. Hey you! Ye? Is that a topicman? Yes sir, tis! Well ain’t that great. If want to get the best topics, I must climb mt.Big. Hey look, there’s some kids having a topicball fight! How fun. Noooooo! A topicalanche! (That doesn’t even make sense!!! The word avalanche doesn’t even have the world snow in it! ) Since I died, i didn’t get any topics. Sooooooo yea. *cue awkward elevator music* ding do do ding dong ding do do ding dong. *taps his foot* *hums 90’s pop song* grabs chainsaw from behind his ear and cuts the elevator cord, plunging the box of awkwardness in to the darkness of forgetfulness and loss of meaning. Forget… Forget……….. You drift into a deep dreamless sleep, waking up to an elevator of twisted metal wreckage resembling a dead animal carcasses. Beside is the corpse of… of… an onion?!?! Wow, who knew onions could be so awkward :o. I just read what I wrote and it makes less sense than I thought. Little did you guys know, that today you would get a great piece of text to read. I didn’t even know that. You know that guy from shamWOW! He always said all these great things about that weird sponge? Yea, that was a short topic. Im gone. Im back! Wait, how did i type if i was gone? With my mmmiiiinnnnddddd… woooooooo creeeeeeeepy! Anyway, this is what i was thinking. I feel really sorry for water molecules! All they do all their lives is slowly get raised up slowly until they land in a cloud with their friends! Wahoo! Or, so you think. In reality, at any moment they could fall to their impending doom! They drop thousands of meters to the ground, only now realizing that they are miles from home!! They take the nearest river trying to get home, before repeating the cycle! They teach us this horror story in kindergarten, masking the brutal morbidity of it by articulating the conundrum using macroscopic convoluted words! Like ‘evaporation’, more like flying up to the sky knowing that it’s your final moment – ation! Condensation!?!? More like con – ned by your kindergarten teacher inti thinking that this means water gently floating to the surface of the earth, when it really means death by lack of parachute! How could you be so – dense – ation! (Public service announcement: this is an anonymous relative spakin’: *where is he? Dunno.* this was test, and only a test. Had this been a real public service announcement then i would have – not been here! Harharhar ! Stop making fun of harold! He was only late for that one clock commercial and now you guy just have to – its OK bob, i don’t care about the Larry squad. They don’t bother me no longer. KK harold….. umm… this was a te – wait, did we already do that part? Uh, ya i think so…. so this is awkward. Ya, sooooooo – *in the echoey distance* cut to the commercial break! What the heck do i pay you for? To… get… you… coffee, sir. Oh, you the coffee boy? Why the hack did my coffee not have any cream in it yesterday!? I almost burnt my mouth into non-existence! I was told not to put in in, sir. By who? Lets just say i got a… Higher Calling. You… you m-m-mean that The Boss called? Yes, budget cuts he said. No more cream he said. No more name-brand cereal! Nooooo if my cereal is packed in a bag i swear on my neighbors cousins dogs bone that i will take every cereal bag, pour out all the cereal, and put them into the boxes that i saved from the name brand cereal!!! Is this… you… you wouldn’t. Oh, try me. Yea, now that i think about it you probably would do that. Why was i here again? Oh ya… CUT TO A COMMERCIAL ALREADY! We don’t have any commercials sir, we got voted unanimously by popular vote not to have any commercials. Well obviously the public didn’t want… didn’t… di- it all makes sense now! The budget cut is BECAUSE of us not playing enough commercials! But sir, our quota ends tomorrow! We need to have played 50837 commercials! There is. Only. One. Way. Play all the commercials at 100x speed! Is that even LeGaL?! Of course it is! We might have to have an epilepsy warning at the start though. Don’t people get epilepsy from watching fast images? This is a radio station, so people can just hear it! Ummm… this is an earlepsy warning! HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHhahahahhahha hehe he… heh. That wasn’t funny, steven.) And back to our regular program. I just started a sentence with a preposition! Isn’t that, like, seven years bad luck or something? Well I can solve that. Section 1 of the Rainbow Fluffysheep handbook says that the king of oddly colored (not coloured like some LOSERS would write) farm animals has full veto to start any sentence with a preponderance. (What the hooey is a preponderance? It says here that it means to be greater than something. Well, the king of oddly colored is full of preponderance towards everyone else! Mwahahaahaha!) Now i can start with a preposition too. Well that worked. (The reason that I used the number 1 is because it has become forgotten among numbers. You see, 1 isn’t considered a prime number! Like what the hey! Its only factors are one and itself!) Do you think that when a particle is beckoned into existence, it uses one of those slot machines with the big arm? And the 777 of the particle world is getting… Hmmmm. I actually have now idea. Maybe just hydrogen! Hydrogen is pretty sweet for blowing people up. But then when your becoming a particle, you have to use it and see what you get. A typical particle would be at one. Here is an example: *cue southern accent* sweat was rolling down my face like the Rolling Stones. I can’t believe it has come to this. I force my hand over to the lever on the side of the machine, which appeared to be taunting me. It’s lights and horror movie little-kid-singing-or-jack–in–the–box (the reason i did that is because I was putting a space between every word, AND jack-in-the-box already has them too) seemed to violently clash against the darkness and dread of the outside world. I clenched the red metal ball with all my might. It was cold as Alaskan ice on a early winter morning, and its color was the blood of the many particles who had to go through with this also. I jerked my limb backwards, causing the huge metal pole to turn on a skewed axis. It came to a stop after turning a quarter of the way with a hard crack, like the crack of a whip. I refocused my attention to the screen. The cylinders were rolling faster than A grands prix racers tyre. Suddenly, the first one came to an abrupt halt. I stared at it, but struggled to read the letter because of my complete shock. H. It said H. I should have been happy, I know, but I wasn’t completely out of the woods yet. There was a tiny times two symbol beside it. I didn’t care. I pulled the arm again, not knowing what life-changing, devastating thing was to come. It spinning thing that doesn’t have a name stopped. O. No. It was the letter O! Now I too will have to live this tortuous fate! Do you think that water parties breathe? Because then, when they did, they would just be hydrogen for a very short amount of time. ENOUGH WITH THE WATER PARTICLES!! I have a conspiracy theory! You know those spinny poles that barbers have? Of course you do! They are probably used to hypnotise people into getting their hair cut there! #subSPINinalmessagesfromcruelbarbers. There is a haircut called “meet me at McDonald’s” that is BANNED where I live. goodbye. and remember… barbers are eevviill! I’m back! Did you know that palm trees aren’t actually trees? Yea, that’s right, palm TREES!!! I think that they’re bushes or something. That makes me angry! in section 6.02214129×10^23 of the rainbow fluffysheep handbook it says that trees are trees.. no matter how small (Horton hears a who). On a completely unrelated note, there was this old man who painted a baseball like infinite times so now it’s like the size of a truck. I was listening to this amazing radio station and this is ACTUALLY what it was about. I will try to rein-act it as accurately as possible. “Recently, a Russian double-agent was poisoned in England. Also, there was a man who had ten million euros, which he gambled until he got nine million of it back. he was so mad that he didn’t get it all, that he robbed his employers to get the money back. now he is a counsellor for people struggling with a gambling addiction. he’s a great lad, he is, he’s had a great life. By the way, its my mother in laws 100th birthday today! Go over to her house and say hello! I have her post code written on the back of my phone. Also, there was a man who invented the windup radio and the shoe phone charger who died this week.” I know what you’re thinking: there’s no way this actually happened, right? YES THIS WAS REAL! And I thought it was pretty funny hehehe. I need write all o the funny things that happen in my life in here. So today I was in the library, minding my own business, when I noticed someone was drawing cartoons and there were a whole bunch of little kids surrounding him (I’m guessing from ages 2-5). Classic movie plot device that never happens in real life, so I was already skeptical. He was drawing a zombie. “And now you see, the zombies chin is like a chimpanzees bubblecopter asparagus. (Wait what? Lets try this again) And now you see, the zombies chinos like a… Well… A line.””why does the zombie look like its from the Simpsons?””because real zombies are too scary for you kids. That’s why I’m not drawing the ones from the walking dead, for example.””I’ve seen that movie!””yeah me too!!””umm.. Ok, how many of you guys have seen the walking dead?”*everyone puts their hand up* the only reason I thought that story was funny is because that kind of thing only happens in movies. What’s up with the saying, ‘easy as pie’? Like what the hooey! Pie is really hard to make. The pie crust always ends up being soggy.’piece of cake’ is a saying too! What’s with all these people that think baking is easy! (Now that I think about it, this is a weird thing to be mad about). Maybe I just need to calm down. NOOOO!!! In section 888 of the rainbow fluffysheep handbook it says that the king of oddly colored farm animal (that’s me!) hereby declares that the sayings ‘easy as pie’ and ‘piece of cake’ are now changed to ‘easy as bread’ and ‘piece of bread’. I just realised that I was typing with my phone in portrait mode! Now I turned it into landscape and I feel so freeeeeee!!! I need to come up with other things that I do randomly… Like the rainbow fluffysheep hanbooks challenge booklet subset! If I am talking about some random subject, I will now randomly put a challenge for you, the reader (which probably doesn’t exist) to do! Piece of bread! In section 7 of the rainbow fluffysheep handbooks challenge booklet subset it STATES that your challenge is: get anyone you know to say piece of bread instead of piece of cake! (They probably won’t do it unless you tell them the reason (or you have really good friends)) i have to shorten the rainbow fluffysheep handbooks challenge booklet subset so that I don’t have to write the rainbow fluffysheep handbooks challenge booklet subset all of the time. From now on, it is considered TRFSHCBS. I probably news to add vowels to pronounce it. And take out ‘the’. RAFLUSHEHACHABOOS. Pronounced ra-fluh-shee-ha-cha-boo-s. that’ll work. I need to write more to fill my writer quota. That just sounded cool to say. I probably write about… 100 words a day. Well I started today at the zombie thing, so yea. What’s going to be the next big thing in the future? Technically, I’m writing this in the past, so you guys can email me at [email protected] and tell me what the future’s like! The only problem is that I will only receive it in the future. Another one of my BRILLIANT ideas gone down the tubes. Goodbye. The world is unjust! I worked for hours on end, making an app for a coding competition. And then they announced… We made it to the country finals! The COUNTRY! By that time, my app had over 5,000 downloads! It was amazing. But we came in second. Guess what the prize was for second?!?! TAKE A WILD GUESS!!!! NOTHING! This wouldn’t have been so bad, but at the competition they were giving away free stuff. And GUESS WHO GOT SAID FREE STUFF?!?! MY BROTHER, THAT’S WHO!!! So in the end, after spending half the year doing a competition, my brother, who did absolutely nothing, got more out of it then me. The world is unjust! Unfair! Prejudiced! Biased! Fascist! (Wait, that was autocorrected). I just needed to get my anger out. When I wrote autocorrected, it autocorrected it to autocorrect ex! That’s the last time i buy an apple product. How many devices companies are fruit? There’s apple obviously, and blackberry, and pear (I’ve seen pear shops in cities) and raspberries (as in the greatest computer of all time, raspberry pi). That could be the most expensive fruit salad ever! What would you like to order, moisuer? I’ll have the fruit salad. Oui, oui. Harold! That costs $5k! So? I bet it’s good! KSHHH and here’s how the skit would have went if I had autocorrect on. Why would you like to order, moisture? You guys have moisture in this restaurant? that’s not up to the code for restaurants. i’ll have to tell the building inspector! Oh yes, anyway, I’ll have the fruit salad. Out, out! Runnnn! I’m coming Harold! That waiter must have something about fruit salad! Maybe he had a bad experience as a child. Wow, I sure went off on a tangent. Do you think that it would be cool if apple made all their devices different fruit names! The iPad pro could be the watermelon, cause its so big. And the iPhone nano could be the strawberry (other berry names are trademarked) what else? A phone with a lot of space could be the peach, because the pit is like the hard-drive! (That was a bit far fetched) and the MacBook could be an orange because when you open it it it cut in the inside… Cuz laptops are like two parts… You know? (and if you cut a grape in half and put it in the microwave it will make plasma (just thought you’d like to know that)) Earbuds could be cherries because they always have the two cherries which are like the ear things! And they’d call the charger ‘The Root’. Why a great idea! I will let apple use these names and I only need a 0.00000000000001% share In the company. Even though I did work hard at this. I just thought of something amazing! If you are in a shop and you see a jar of nondescript sauces (mayacamole) and it costs two bucks. TWO BUCKS!!! You know for a FACT that the shop just across town sells them for one-fifty. The shop is five minutes away. If you choose to go to the shop, then you my friend are working for minimum wage! (Except in the case that you have to walk back. If so, just buy the mayacamole at the former option( or just get salsa. It’s on sale! (Which probably means that its old))) wasn’t that interesting? Here’s another situation. You are buying a $400,000 home (average price right now I’d say) and you think “what a steal!” And your neighbour thinks “where did i put that shotgun cartridge again? But is you think about it you are working for 1,667 weeks to pay for that! (Assuming 8 hours a day, five days a week at minimum wage) That’s 32 YEARS! Let’s say you work for 12 hours a day, seven days a week for $20 an hour, that’s still 238 weeks! That’s still five years! Just buy a camper van for goodness sake! I just got to thinking; how many tiny changes would a cereal company have to make to earn twice as much from a box of cereal? (Assuming people still bought the same amount ( I think I can trust the general population)) it turns out that if we want to double the profits by decreasing things by ten percent, we would have to do it seven times. Which means instead of selling these cornflakes: Box height: 1 meter; Box length: 1 meter; Box width: 1 meter; Percent of cornflake that is cornflake ( not air): 100%; Percent of box filled with bag: 100%; Percent of bag filled with cornflakes: 100%; Production cost: 10 cents; they could sell these: Box height, width & length: 0.9 meters; Percent of cornflake that is cornflake ( not air): 90%; Percent of box filled with bag: 90%; Percent of bag filled with cornflakes: 90%; Production cost: 9 cents; they would make double the profits! Hooray! Well that’s that. You know how people always have weird names on the interweb? Well I came up with Internet name generator! (Random adjective)(Random noun)(Use a deck of cards for this part. Take out the jokers and face cards, and tens are now zeros. Pick out numbers until you get a club) additional things include: (pick a card. If it is three or lower, put X at the start and end)(pick a card. If it is an ace, replace noun with random country. If it is a two, replace noun with Internet related company + fan.) let me try this. Here is what I got: FoulSoup31, XxInternalAle10xX, StrengthenedFillet49458, MediocreElectrode20, and EpicRedditFan7515. That was a lot more accurate than I thought it would be. Bye. Hello! I need to rant more! I am going to start a sentence without knowing where it is leading. I wish I could buy a mocha for my clown pants while aliens eat your toes which glisten in the sliver of wind. That was fun. Why is orange so popular? There are SO MANY WORDS that don’t rhyme with other words too, like engine, silver and angry (hangry isn’t a real word as far as I know). And people know that orange rhymes with “door hinge”! Some people say that doesn’t count. But there is another! Sporangia! Well, it’s pretty close. I think it’s like fern spores. Well remember, whenever you see the color orange, type #boycottorange, so people stop taking pictures of orange things. For Halloween, people will carve watermelons instead of pumpkins. Trump will no longer be president because of his orange skin. Oranges (the fruit) will be replaced by reds! (The soon to be fruit). The sun will disappear, or if we want to not go extinct, just change its color to blue. I have a map of Europe on my wall, which has the countries in different colors. BEWARE IF YOU LIVE IN: The UK, Spain, Hungary, Latvia, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Greece, Denmark and Armenia. You guys will soon disappear off the face of the earth. And my favourite pop is club orange! Nooooo! And Jupiter will disappear too! Now that I think about it, losing orange things wouldn’t be that bad compared to other colors. Like blue. We would lose water, blue paint, the second book in the Rust comic book series, the sky, Pluto and that one triple angry bird. That would be awful. In section 255 of the rainbow fluffysheep handbook it STATES that the king of oddly colors farm animals (me again) will never make all blue things disappear, but he may make all orange things disappear. Now you guys don’t have to worry! :)! Why are kings higher than queens in a deck of cards? That’s really sexist! People think that king is worth thirteen and queens are worth twelve! (If you can’t tell, I’m mocking that people that get offended by everything). Why do vegetarians worry about hurting animals, but not plants!?!? Plants have feelings too (I think)! In fact, vegetarians kill MORE than carnivores. Instead of a whole family eating a chicken, if they are all vegetarians, then they will probably kill hundreds of plants! Think about THAT, people! In this whole LoTeEv, I have probably offended a lot of you guys. Sorry bout that. In section 1029384756 of the rainbow fluffysheep handbook it says that if the mug of oddly colored farm animals (me again) offends any reader, he is sincerely sorry *citation not needed because of section 12345679 of the RFSH*. Why are the money symbols not consistent? Like there’s €uros, ¥en and £ounds. But why $ollars? Maybe it’s supposed to be dollar$. That makes more sense. Now I won’t get that nervous eye twitch every time I see that symbol. “Hey look, I just found this ten dollar bill on the ground! Hey why the flop is he doing that?” “It’s just… a Thing that he does…” “Oh.” “I have a great idea for this! Whenever he gets near money his eye twitches! That means we can find money on the ground just by watching him!” And that’s how I lost all my friends. It turns out that was the only reason they liked me. Wait what is this ?? That is so ?eird. Goodbye. I’m back! Hahahaha gotcha! I was just kidding about that. But you would have never known that! I’m going to try to make words using only the top row of letters. Hmmmm… Lets see. Tip, rip, port, type, write, writer, typewriter. Fascinating. I’m going to make a fake movie trailer. Using only words. Here we go: [Have you ever…]{scene of old woman churning milk}[wanted to…]{scene of older woman churning what is now cream(the reason she is older is not because it is a different person, but because we filmed it after}[churn your own butter?!?!]{scene of even older woman churning what is now butter (the reason she is even older is because we got a new actor because the other one retired (she used to put tires on her vehicle, and now she does it again))}[This is a great movie, if you are an IDIOT][“this is a great movie”][i had popcorn while I watched this movie, and I really enjoyed it, it soothed the pain of having to watch that movie][“I really enjoyed it, it really soothed”][i actually really enjoyed the movie!][wait… What? You know we’re not paying you guys right? Oh. Anyway, “I actually really enjoyed the movie!”][while being on an oil rig?!?!]{well… No, but anyway (shows a picture of an old woman churning butter which is thick and black and worth a lot more than butter)}[Coming soon to you][this summer][and fall][and winter as well][lets just add spring too][The Lard of the Rigs] That was actually fun! {Warning: if you use this movie name you will BE SUED actually now that I think about it you probably won’t. In fact, if you DO actually make this into a movie, send it to me} Do you guys think I’m random enough? I really hope so! In section 5647382910 of the RAFLUSHE – I can’t remember. That challengey things name. But anyway, make that movie. Plz. I’m board. And not just any old barn-wood planks, mind you, but a board of fine stained oak as the flooring in the White House. By!!! I’m back! No, just kidding, I’m front! I have a topic that I’m actually very serious about. Puzzles. Am I the only one that thinks that puzzle